Some are born Geek, some achieve Geekness and others have Geekness thrust upon them. For those of us whom are verily Geek-at-Heart, we shall not be shedding the title as quickly as a West Hollywood hipster sheds his iPad the moment Apple bids him so. Whilst many will claim the title of Geek, as to be Nerd/Dork/Geek/Wonk is très chic, it is a dangerous, double-edged lightsaber ... wait, they're columnar in shape. Anyhoo, we may live blissfully in our own, little biospheres; yet we are easy targets, like a wounded dolphin, or the only kid dressed up like a pilgrim the Wednesday before school lets out for Thanksgiving Weekend.

From sea to nerdy Cameron-submersible sea, forest to dorky Bigfoot forest, Skywalker Ranch and beyond the solar flares, this proudly pale populace has some serious ideas about what is fun and what is not. Summer is here and it can be a tough time for us, what with the sun, the outdoors and the prospect of a proper, dress-up holiday still months away. Never mind all that; we know what makes for real summer fun and with all due respect to the rest of you, to quote The Big Bang Theory's Dr. Sheldon Cooper, "You're having fun wrong."

Summer can be a bit of a free-radical situation for us: left to fend for ourselves amidst the plains and savannas of a deconstructed season, fighting against the harsh summer sun and the expected, traditional, normal outdoor activities of the average, summer reveler. In adult-life, as in school, just because it's summer, doesn't mean the wedgies cease. In such situations, it is only natural to seek the like-minded. When the broad landscape is dotted with the frequently unavoidable herds of roaming, aggressive, beefy, sunny, beachy, geek-squashers it is often necessary for the more fragile, the proverbial 98-pound weaklings, to gather and move in clusters. The sand-kickers can’t get us all if we move as one.

If it is entirely plausible that you could spend a joyful afternoon at Peet's Coffee having a serious debate about whether Han or Greedo shot first, you just might find the following summer alternatives to beach volleyball, backyard BBQs and 5K mud runs great fun indeed. I cannot advise on alternatives in your backyard, but as a Cali Girl, I will gladly walk you through some of my Golden State's finest, oft air-conditioned, cerebral, summer dork attractions.

• San Diego Comic-Con: Certainly a toss-up, as to whether this should take the number one or two spot. In the end, it had to be crowned as supreme. Comic-Con is Mecca for con geeks the world over, even the new breed of geek: the poseur. C-C has become the new Studio 54. Few at the 1970s, iconic, NYC discotheque probably actually loved disco. Today, it's questionable how many Comic-Con attendees even read comic books, let alone have a passion for the medium. Still, decades after Richard Alf et al gifted the Geek World with the original SDCC and after all the poseurs have moved on, when The Big Bang Theory runs its course, the real fans will still faithfully flood the San Diego Convention Center each July, giving the San Diego Fire Marshal four sleepless nights every summer.

• Disneyland: Like Salieri to Mozart or Sean Penn's Emmet Ray to Django Reinhardt, were there no Comic-Con, Disney would clearly reign on this list. If you’re fortunate enough to have an annual passport, chances are good you can’t get enough of Star Tours and its fifty-some possible scenarios, The Haunted Mansion, Indiana Jones, a Johnny Depp-frosted Pirates of the Caribbean and browsing ad nauseam the Capodimonte-laden glass shelves of Main Street's Disneyana. We Disney devotees do enjoy the occasional, audible snort of derision at new attractions and additions and love to regale newbies and family first-timers with behind-the-scenes Park trivia (especially those of us whom worked there). Overall, it is our church of sorts and if you don’t like Goths, stay away mid-September through January, for The Nightmare Before Christmas overlay at The Haunted Mansion is really, honestly, to die for, kids.

• Renaissance Pleasure Faire: This one’s the original, yon friends. It's usually over before summer solstice hits, but you'll find plenty of other faires up and down the state. Yet, prithee, this is the Hamlet of Renaissance festivals. Oft simply called "Southern" or "Ren Faire", it’s been around since what feels like Queen Elizabeth I and Sir Walter Raleigh were playing footsies behind hogsheads and if you’re well-acquainted with Faire, then you know the tacit rules of conduct: no polyester, no real names, no Victorian Gary Oldmans from Dracula, keep your tongue in character and do not ask us if our costumes are hot. It's almost always 100 degrees and with the exception of our cleavages, we're swathed head-to-toe in leather, velvet, suede and fur. What thinkst thou? Faire is no place for steampunk and there’s also an internal, heated and on-going debate about Captain Jack Sparrow, because he’s a "made-up pirate". Of course, most of the pirate guilds are themselves comprised of made-up pirates. I give you geek.

• Conan: Deserving of a Larry King suspenders & glasses/Arnold sausage snap combo-pantomime, this day trip can’t be beat, even by the Masturbating Bear. Whether you're a lucky local of beautiful downtown Burbank or saving up your game tokens for a Golden State sojourn, a Conan taping is probably the second best taping you can attend in The Valley. Tickets are free, but the online lottery is hit 'n miss. Still, if you can nail a date and don't mind being in Burbank on a weekday, you’ll be better than just about everybody back home on the farm.

• Huntington Library and Gardens: Word nerds, book geeks and art history-snarks, this is your perfect afternoon, except Tuesdays and only from 10:30-4:00 in the summer, 12-4 otherwise. Of course, if you want to miss traffic getting out of the Pasadena-area, you’d best try to be out of the parking lot by 2:30, 3:00 tops. Home to a Gutenberg Bible, an Ellesmere manuscript of The Canterbury Tales, scores of early-Shakespearean papers, Audubon folios and a selection of 18thC. French and English decorative arts that would make Sofia Coppola swoon, the quiet and hidden treasure of L.A. museums is clandestinely tucked away in upscale, residential San Marino, an old money suburb of Pasadena. If you’re drawn to English incunabula, powdered wigs, French Lace roses and think Joshua Reynold's Sarah Siddons as Tragic Muse is just downright hot, then you’d better get going. Traffic will be a total nightmare in about forty minutes.

As a bonus, I must toss in The Hotel del Coronado. Though not a geek-oriented destination in and of itself, unless you’re bonkers for Victorian architectural detail, it is home to our favourite geek ghost, Miss Hannah Hart, ghostdame of The Hotel del Coronado. What?! You don’t know Miss Hannah Hart? Zowie!, as she would decry! Best get yourself over to GoodToBeAGeek.com and introduce yourself to this sassy and brassy, 1930s, Old Hollywood dame whom finds your casual wardrobe and slack-jawed vernacular a disgrace. Boyz-o! Does she have some opinions about you!

Clearly, because we are Geek, I rest assured many of you will disagree with my list, if only to dispute its hierarchy. Moreover, I expect others will rant and rail over omissions and inclusions. Please, do share @JennyPopCom or @GoodToBeAGeek. Like learning a Hotel Del ghostie girl is as bonkers for Carl Barks comic books as I am, it's always a thrill to learn where more of my own kind roam at will, without threat or fear of a good swirly.

 

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Things White People Like: an on-target compilation of, well, things we like. The full list, available at the official website, is frighteningly dead-on in its accuracy. My eerily, correctly identified personal faves on this list include: Asian Girls, Girls with Bangs, Being Offended, Hallowe'en, Standing Still at Concerts, Conan O'Brien, Coffee, Wine, Dogs, Vegetarianism, Art Degrees, Vintage, Grammar, Arrested Development, Netflix, David Sedaris and Breakfast Places. I must, however, distance myself from Apple Products, Music Piracy, New Balance Shoes (not a tennis shoe kind of gal), Banksky, Facebook, Barack Obama, Promising to Learn a New Language (speak a few already) and Ugly Sweater Parties (why?).

Well done, Mr. Christian Lander, creator of said-2008-list ... your pinpoint insight disturbs me. Now, good sir, I call your White Jonesings and I raise you ... Nerdy.

White people do indeed come in many whiter shades of pale. Yet, there is no greater, no more beautiful, no more translucent shade of pale than that of the White & Nerdy. It is a shade carefully honed and cultivated by days upon days of uninterrupted screentime, an innate distaste for the sun and a natural inclination toward nighttime, vampires, UFOs, ghosts and space ... all of which can only be enjoyed via moonlight. We do not find interest in Outdoor Performance Clothes, Wrigley Field, Snowboarding or Marathons. We do, as it pertains specifically to your list, like Asian girls, TED, vespas, Film Festivals, Oscar Parties and Black Music Black People Don't Listen To Anymore.

As I was on one of my beachwalks last week (a White People thing, I'm pretty sure) a fave tune commenced to thumping on my mp3-player, Weird Al's White and Nerdy. It gave me a little bounce in my step, an uptick in my pace, a tighter squeeze in my hamstrings and got zee leetle grey zells moving and before I made it to Gargamel's enclave, I'd devised a list of Stuff White & Nerdy People Like. Not sure if you're a geek, versus, say, a dork, a nerd or a dweeb? Miss Hannah Hart, ghostdame of the Hotel del Coronado might be able to help.

For your approval, my fellow White & Nerdys! (I am now flashing the W&N gang sign: left hand in a three-fingered "W"; right hand in an upside-down peace sign, an "N". Remember, always the "W" with the left hand, so the recipient can read it properly, otherwise it comes out left-to-right, like Hebrew, and you get the NW gang sign, which would be awesome, now that I think of it, for the F/V Northwestern. Either way. Plus, note that if you do an upside-down "W" with your right hand, you'll have the gang sign for the College of William and Mary. Go, Tribe!)

Stuff White & Nerdy People Like

• Comic Con
• The Big Bang Theory
• CNNGeekOut blog
• Geek Pride Day (May the 25th)
• Star Wars Day (May the 4th ... be with you)
  
• geology
• robots
• Bill Nye the Science Guy
• Steve Martin
• The Muppets
• Weezer
• NASA
• Star Wars
• Star Trek
• Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock
• crafting historical and theatrical alter egos (including learning Elizabethan English, Klingon, swordplay, spells, etc.)
• Wired magazine
• Swedish Fish
• action figures
• sci-fi and fantasy novels with anthropomorphic animals
• Weird Al Yankovic
• using "one" as opposed to "you" or "I"
• making and wearing costumes
• hovering when someone borrows our fancy pen
• lunchboxes
• George Noory
• UFOs
• Ghost Hunters (not Ghost Adventurers ... there is a difference)
• Bigfoot
• George Lucas
• Skywalker Ranch
• Mystery Science Theater 3K
• writing down, and working to memorize things like Pi, the Drake Equation, the hierarchy of performance art, et cetera
  
• Disneyland
• The X-Files
• Renaissance Faire
• jokes involving German, Austrian or Swiss scientists
• Bill Gates
• jokes involving Windows Vista, DOS, neutrons or nematodes
• The IT Crowd
• Microsoft
• Microsoft-blue button downs
• any and all digital media
• Fry's Electronics
• t-shirts with math or code humour
• Voyager Golden Record
• The Simpsons
• Lisa Simpson
• Jonathan Coulton
• comics
• comic books (yes, they are different)
• peppering conversations with foreign language-bon mots
• saying Linux
• American Dad
• Steve Smith
• Roger the Alien
• historical- and/or technical-inaccuracies of any kind (so we can first laugh, then correct them)
• bad grammar/spelling (ditto)
• George Will
• dictionaries
• shot-for-shot remakes
• memorizing, then sporadically reciting, TV and movie quotes (including full dialogues with multiple characters)
• role-playing
• acquiring movie props (including the front-end of a film reel, usually cut and tossed, from an X-Files episode)
• complaining about tech support
• making lists

Did I forget anything? @CNNGeekOut tweeted me, "We pride ourselves on having plenty of geek DNA including ppl who cosplay, ppl with geek tattoos & ppl with geeky pets!" As Mr. Burns would say whilst slowly drumming fingertips, "Excellent, Excellent." Contact us here if you've desired amendments. LLAP and TTFN!

Know a geek or two? Feel free to share the list and pick it apart ... as I know the real geeks are wont to do. Tweet